Author Archives: Steph VonAhnen, LRMT, CLC

You know what’s better than a $65 face cream with a name you can’t pronounce?  Whipping up your own dreamy, skin-loving butter from pantry staples, like the kitchen goddess you were born to be! Today we’re making whipped body butter so rich, so fluffy, and so ridiculously luxurious, you might catch yourself petting your ownContinue reading “Bootleg Bougie – Vol. 2 Whip It Good: How to Make Luxe Lotion from Kitchen Stuff”

Let’s face it, those little Frownies that promise to iron out your wrinkles overnight are basically overpriced stickers with a superiority complex.  Enter: moleskin.  Not the fancy notebook, darling.  The pharmacy aisle hero.  The stuff meant for blistered heels and hiking feet?  Yeah.  That. ✨ Here’s why it works: Sticks like a loyal friend.  NoContinue reading “Bootleg Bougie – Vol. 1The $2 Facelift: Why Moleskin Beats Frownies Every Time”

We’ve all heard the phrase: “I just need to find balance.”It gets tossed around like a life raft when we’re drowning in schedules, stress, or spirals.  Here’s the twist: balance isn’t a destination, it’s a dance. Real balance isn’t static.  It’s not the picture-perfect moment where all the spinning plates pause mid-air. No, it’s theContinue reading “The Wisdom of the Wobble: Why Balance Isn’t Stillness”

There’s a funny thing that happens when you tell people you believe in gender roles. They look at you like you just stepped out of a 1950s time capsule, apron, pearls, and all. Let me tell you something: I didn’t choose this life out of fear.  I chose it from freedom. — 🛠️ I ChopContinue reading “Traditional by Choice: Why I Serve My Partner and Still Feel Powerful”

(a tale of healing, boundaries, and the ancient art of not putting up with nonsense) Let’s get something straight right out the gate: mushrooms are brilliant, weird little beings that can heal your gut, calm your nervous system, boost your immunity, and possibly whisper forest secrets to you if you’re quiet enough. Then there areContinue reading “Medicinal Mushrooms & People Who Should Probably Be Eaten by Them”

It all started with a vision and a cast iron cauldron.  I wanted abundance, lush tomatoes, towering sunflowers, and a backyard Eden worthy of a Pinterest board.  So I did what any modern homesteader with a crystal in her bra would do: I manifested. I saged the perimeter.  I whispered kind words to my seedlings. Continue reading “That Time I Tried to Manifest a Better Garden and Accidentally Got a Squirrel Army”

This morning, I took Evalynn to the dentist.  It was one of those early Tuesday appointments you agree to when you’re feeling overly optimistic about your future self’s time management skills.  We shuffled in with mismatched socks, semi-brushed hair, and the kind of sleepy smiles only kids can pull off without consequence.  She sat inContinue reading “The Alchemy of a Tuesday Afternoon: Some people search for gold.Others transform the mundane into magic.”

We’ve all heard that golden oldie: “Time heals all wounds.”Let’s be freaking real!  Time can be a terrible therapist.  It ghosted me when I needed it most, gave me the silent treatment for years, and still never reimbursed me for the emotional labor. 😤 What actually happens is this:You get used to the pain.You buildContinue reading “Time Doesn’t Heal All Wounds: You Just Learn How to Bleed Better”

Some days, you drag yourself out to the garden in a bathrobe, fuzzy socks, and last night’s mascara still clinging on for dear life.  And the tomato plant?  Could not care less.  She’s got blossoms to pollinate and hornworms to battle.  Your exhaustion is irrelevant to her photosynthesis schedule. That’s the beauty of the garden:Continue reading “The Tomato Plant Doesn’t Care If You’re Tired: And Other Brutal Truths from the Garden”

Opening Rant (because every good story starts with a splash):Let me tell you something!  Nothing will humble you faster than realizing your city’s water supply is basically a lukewarm swamp smoothie by June.  Nitrate levels?  Sky high.  Tap water?  More like crap water.  So here I am, standing in my yard with a dog bowl,Continue reading “Rain Barrels & Chicken Secrets: A Backyard Water Saga”