Author Archives: Steph VonAhnen, LRMT, CLC

There I was.  Bored.  Creative.  Slightly feral from too many nights of herbal tea and responsible choices.  Armed with a mirror, five minutes, and a metallic marker that whispered seductively from the  mess on my coffee table, > “You up?” Was it designed for eyes?Absolutely not.Did it shimmer like the tears of a disco ball?YouContinue reading “Metallic Marker Eyeliner, Free Will, and the Insta Reel That Sparked a Micro-Revolution”

🌀 The Cosmic Cop-Out So Mercury will be in retrograde again (July 17th-18th.)  That magical time when texts go missing, appointments get double-booked, and every device in your house decides to glitch like it’s haunted by the ghost of dial-up past.   Instagram feeds fill up with warnings like, “Don’t sign contracts!” and “Avoid travel!”, asContinue reading “Don’t Blame Mercury Retrograde: You Just Need Better Boundaries”

Now that everyone’s in one group thread, it’s only a matter of time before someone rage-leafs. — 🥒 Cucumber:Anyone else feel like they’re being suffocated out here?  I’m having trouble breathing!🪴 Mint: YOU’RE in my personal space.🌶️ Hot Pepper: lol fight fight fight — 🍅 Tomato:Hey guys! Just checking, am I blushing too early?  I’mContinue reading “If Plants Could Text… Part 2: The Garden Group Chat Meltdown”

When I was little, my dad used to say, “You don’t have any iron in your nose, do ya?” Usually after I’d wandered off in the completely wrong direction.  At the time, I thought it was just one of those silly dad things , kinda like “don’t take any wooden nickels” or “you’ve got moreContinue reading “Iron in Your Nose & Other Things My Daddy Said: Ancient Wisdom Hidden in Everyday Sayings”

There’s a moment you never forget:When the person who raised you, loved you, and limped through your teenage chaos, starts to hurt in a way the experts can’t (or won’t) explain. My mom’s legs had been crying out for years. Puffy, blistered, aching.And what did the professionals say?🩺 “Hmm.”🩺 “It’s probably just aging.”🩺 “We don’tContinue reading “The Balm That Spoke Louder Than White Coats: Hilarious Hacks (With a Healing Edge)”

Let’s be real, compost isn’t glamorous.  It’s stinky.  It’s messy.  It’s literally a pile of old banana peels, eggshells, and last week’s regrets.  And yet… it might just be the wisest teacher in the whole garden! Why compost?  Compost is transformation in slow motion. It doesn’t ask you to pretend your scraps never existed.  ItContinue reading “The Compost Chronicles: Turning Life’s Crap into Garden Gold”

You know the ones.  The creeping thistle of a comment made years ago.  The dandelion puff of a betrayal you thought you’d blown away, until it seeded itself again right when you weren’t looking.  Garden grudges are just like real weeds: persistent, sneaky, and surprisingly good at stealing the sunlight. And just like in theContinue reading “Garden Grudges: What Weeds Can Teach Us About Forgiveness”

Earth doesn’t need to prove herself. She simply is. She holds everything, the mistakes, the miracles, the compost of old versions of us, and she asks nothing but patience.  She says, “Stay.  Grow slow.  You’re safe.” So far this week, I found grounding in the smallest things.  My hands in warm water, washing my blenderContinue reading “Earthbound: The Root of It All”

There’s a kind of fire that doesn’t destroy. It doesn’t rage or scorch. It calls. It’s the kind that glows behind your ribs when you hear your name said just right, or when an idea lands so hard that you have to stand up and do something (I prefer a little dance.)  That’s the fireContinue reading “Fire song: Where Is Your Energy Calling You to Blaze?”

Some days, I don’t feel like a person, I feel like a tide.  Rising, receding, reshaping everything without ever meaning to.  I’ll be making coffee and suddenly find myself crying over the freshly grated cane sugar that I insist on using.  Not sad, just… full. Water doesn’t just break down doors.  It seeps.  It softens. Continue reading “Water Knows Before We Do: Why We Should Follow the Flow”